Sunday, March 01, 2009

When it all started…

Things were changing too quickly for them to react. A moment ago it was he who was seeking answers and the very next moment it was she who was asking questions.

Questions and answers; answers that were hard to come were by and even harder to absorb. And in between all this reasoning and explanation, love, that used to be the soul that connected both of them, was laid into oblivion.

The trust that still was in its blossoming stage trembled as every step taken by both of them to resurrect appeared to be like lighting a candle in a windy night. The hope that the candle would not extinguish once it was lighted, and the belief that it would give enough light and love to extinguish the stark recent days and nights of darkness was pushing them to try more and more. But the darkness prevailed. Darkness that was because of the other forms of love; Jealousy and insecurity.

No longer words inspired trust and no longer was expressing of love the response to all bitterness. The tomorrow that was built of love, of dreams, of moments that were inspired by looking into each other’s eyes, and of innocent touch, was slowly crumbling. Also ignored were the many love-filled ‘yesterdays’.

One was not willing to forget the past and the other was not ready to accept that past as a part of the present. The past that had come back brought with itself the unknown, the invisible yet a powerful poison due to which a love that was still adolescent and vulnerable started withering away.

What he asked of her was to forget the past. But for her this was too difficult 'choice' to make.

Suddenly the so promising future appeared a distinct reality as everything was forgotten in some hours of clash of emotions.

As one of them tried to walk the thorn strew path to the others heart, the painful journey was compounded by words that made the pain even more unbearable. A solace, a silent succor was all that was required to reach home. It never came.

In times of love they would talk about who loved other the most. Sometimes she won and many times he lost. This time no one won.

As Chunmun, the only living being that was mutually attached to both of them, tried hard to fight off an imminent death, the mutual love between the two, too was fading away .

Jaanu and Doggy will never be just a pair of words for them. They never were.

As one of them developed love in dogs, the other one found an added interest in the latest songs.

As is said, good things come in small packages. Four months fifteen days was small indeed. And it was sweet and a little bit of sour.

Memories that will come back will be hard to describe or to let go. Metro, Airport, Delhi haat, morning alarm, sleep calls, Raj Thackrey, CCD, Bhopal,Wadala,Nizamuddin,Bandhavgarh, Patel chowk, Republic day, Bournvita and the not so warm Maggi will sometimes bring fond,warm memories that will make them steal a concealed smile or a twinkle in the eyes.

Memories of time that was felt only by them and no-one else. Of standing in cold nights and watching the sun rise and of witnessing the many a toothless smiles. Moments of winking and waiting, of laughing and crying. Of sweet apologies and a world of happiness. Sometimes eyes may give away the extent of ‘happiness’. They always do.

Who loved whom the more is something that no one will be able to ever answer. Perhaps the saddest part of this tale was they even they themselves were not able to make each other understand how much they loved each other.

Maybe both of them loved each other equally, but some things should be left upon god to decide, for he sees what we may never even imagine.

It was the month of October or perhaps even before when it all started …

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